04 Oct Lost in Barcelona
Landing in Barcelona, I instantly liked the city. The airport was easy to maneuver and even with our high school Spanish, we managed to get to our apartment very easily. We stayed in an area of the city that has become very trendy. It was such a pleasant surprise at how nice it was. Narrow cobblestone streets and alleys winding their way through the Barre district. There were a multitude of shops and restaurants and galleries to explore and lots of people watching to be had. (And oh my gosh what cute shoes!)
Every morning we would set out on our adventures. First coffee and then exploring. We would weave our way through the streets stopping to gaze in windows or step into a shop saying “Hola” or pointing (the universal language!) at something we were interested in. We walked for hours each day stopping every now and then to rest our feet and grab something to eat.
I love wandering and exploring. It allows me to see what is familiar and what is different. It allows me to see how other people live and work. It exposes me to art and inspiration. It brings perspective to my life. It allows me to shuffle around new information and thoughts and see how and where it can be woven into my life and way of thinking.
After about a half of day in Barcelona, I noticed something very interesting. I was so totally lost. Usually I am really good at navigating. But I found myself so lost directionally that it was making me a little crazy. Every time I thought I knew where we were or which direction to go in, I was wrong. This is not a good feeling for someone who likes to be in control! At one point the jet lag and frustration reached a tipping point and I felt myself get teary. I grumbled in my head “What is wrong with you?”
And then it hit me. Of course I am lost. Because I am lost. I am wandering through unknown territories in my life right now, twisting and turning following unfamiliar paths. All of my normal senses are numb in this foreign land. Things look different. Things sound different. Things work differently. Everything is different.
My compass in my life for so long was my family and my job. I knew where I was and where I was going so much so that I was the compass for many other people, looking to me for grounding and direction. Giving up my home and job and leaving everything familiar and comfortable is unnerving. It is like setting sail on a cloudy night without the north star to guide you.
Right now, I feel ungrounded. When people ask me where I live, I don’t really know what to say. My “home” is changing every few days. I don’t live anywhere right now except right where I am standing. And maybe that is the point. Right now, I live wherever I am. Every city will offer a new home. A new road to travel. At every new intersection, I stop and look around to see where I should go next. The road holds great treasures and is so much fun to explore even if I don’t know where I am.
Right now the journey is the destination. So I might as well put on some comfy shoes and enjoy the walk.
